Self-coaching: A Practical Guide to Being Your Own Coach

An introduction to the art and science of self-coaching, plus techniques to help you get unstuck and accelerate your own professional journey.

Have you ever felt stuck on a professional challenge, wishing you had a thought partner to help you gain clarity and find a path forward? While external coaching is indeed invaluable, one of the most powerful and accessible resources for growth is yourself. Self-coaching is a learnable skill that empowers you to become your own best resource.

(by Jonathan M. Pham)

Highlights

• Self-coaching is the process of using coaching techniques and principles on yourself to become more self-aware, overcome limiting beliefs, and create actionable plans to achieve your goals. It is a strategic capability that promotes agility, drives personal accountability, and enhances emotional intelligence and well-being.
• The CTFAR model is a structured self-coaching tool that helps individuals understand and change their experience by breaking it down into a five-step chain: Circumstance, Thought, Feeling, Action, and Result.
• Applying the CTFAR model involves first separating an objective circumstance from your subjective thoughts about it, then analyzing how those thoughts lead to your current feelings, actions, and results, and finally choosing a new, intentional thought to create a more positive and empowering outcome.
• Effective self-coaching requires a toolkit of techniques, including structured journaling to deconstruct thought patterns, asking powerful questions to challenge assumptions, practicing mindfulness to observe thoughts without judgment, and using commitment devices like time-blocking to ensure new actions are executed.

What is Self-coaching?

Self-coaching is the practice of applying coaching principles and techniques to yourself to cultivate greater self-awareness, challenge limiting beliefs, and create actionable plans to achieve specific goals. Unlike passive journaling where you might simply record thoughts, it is an active process designed specifically to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

It requires you to act as both the curious, objective coach and the open, reflective client at the same time.

Is Self-coaching Possible?

Can one truly be objective enough to coach oneself? The answer is definitively yes.

As mentioned, self-coaching is a learnable skill, not an innate talent. Its effectiveness relies on one’s ability to momentarily separate oneself as the curious observer from oneself as the emotional participant. By taking a step back and asking structured, powerful questions (which we will cover later), you can create the mental space needed to analyze your thought patterns, generate new solutions, and interrupt self-defeating behaviors.

While it’s difficult to see all of your own blind spots – which is where an external coach provides great value – the practice is an amazing tool available for establishing self-reliance and personal clarity.

Why Self-coaching?

Self-coaching has evolved from a personal development technique into a strategic capability for thriving in the modern workplace.

• Promotes agility and adaptability

In a fast-paced, volatile world, organizations cannot afford to wait for top-down direction to solve every problem. Self-coaching equips individuals to process change, navigate ambiguity, and adapt to new challenges in real-time. This creates a more agile organization where problem-solving is decentralized and continuous improvement happens organically at all levels.

• Drives personal accountability

When employees regularly coach themselves through challenges, they stop waiting for their manager to provide solutions and start taking responsibility for generating their own. In fact, research has consistently shown that teams with high levels of personal accountability and ownership significantly outperform their peers.

• Enhances emotional intelligence and well-being

Self-coaching requires one to identify one’s own thought patterns and understand how their feelings drive their actions. As such, it is a powerful exercise in emotional intelligence. Studies from various research bodies have revealed a direct link between high EQ and superior job performance, better stress management, and stronger interpersonal skills.

The power of self-coaching

Self Coaching Model: The CTFAR Framework

Effective self-coaching requires a structured approach to move beyond simply experiencing a problem to actively deconstructing and solving it. One of the most widely used tools for this is the CTFAR model, popularized by master coach Brooke Castillo. The framework proposes that every experience follows a five-step chain of events.

• C – Circumstance: The neutral, objective fact of the situation. It is something that can be proven and agreed upon by everyone, free of adjectives or interpretation. (e.g., A project deadline was moved up by one week.)
• T – Thought: The subjective sentence you tell yourself about the circumstance. It is your personal interpretation, story, or judgment about the fact. (e.g., “This is impossible; they are setting me up to fail.”)
• F – Feeling: The emotion generated directly by your thought, not by the circumstance itself. (e.g., Overwhelmed, Anxious).
• A – Action: The specific actions, inactions, or reactions that are driven by the feeling. (e.g., Procrastinating on the project, complaining to colleagues).
• R – Result: The outcome you create for yourself, which typically reinforces your original thought. (e.g., The project quality suffers, and you feel even more like a failure.)

Let’s see how the model plays out in a common workplace situation as follows:

Circumstance (C): A colleague received the promotion that you applied for. (This is a neutral fact).

Now, observe the unintentional F-A-R chain created by a single thought:

Thought (T): “This proves that management doesn’t value my contributions, and I’ll never get ahead here.”

Feeling (F): Demotivated and resentful.

Action (A): You disengage from team meetings, reduce your discretionary effort, and stop volunteering for new projects. You avoid discussing career growth with your manager.

Result (R): Your manager observes your disengagement and lack of initiative, confirming in their mind that you might not be ready for more responsibility. Your original thought becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As you may see, the circumstance (losing the promotion) did not directly create the result (stagnating in your career). The thought about the circumstance was the real catalyst for the entire negative cycle.

The next step in self-coaching is learning how to intentionally change that thought to create a better result.

Applying the Model: How to Coach Yourself

Let’s continue with the same workplace scenario: Circumstance (C) = My colleague received the promotion I applied for.

1. Separate the circumstance from the thought

The first and most critical step is to achieve absolute clarity between the neutral fact and your subjective interpretation. Most personal frustration comes from treating our thoughts as facts.

How-to: Take a moment to write down the circumstance in a single, objective sentence that a court of law would agree upon (e.g., “The project deadline was moved up.”). Then, separately, write down all the interpretive sentences you are thinking about that fact (e.g., “This is unfair,” “They are trying to make me fail,” “I’ll never catch up.”). This separation creates immediate mental space.

2. Analyze your unintentional F-A-R chain

Before you can change your outcome, you must understand how your current thinking creates your current results – by tracing the path of your automatic, unintentional thought.

How-to: Based on the scenario where your thought is “This proves management doesn’t value my work,” you map out the existing cycle:

• Feeling: Demotivated, resentful.
• Action: Disengaging from team meetings, reducing effort, avoiding conversations about future growth.
• Result: Proving the original thought true by appearing uncommitted, thus damaging your relationship with management.

3. Choose a new, intentional thought (the pivot point)

This is the core of self-coaching, where you actively adopt a different perspective. You cannot change the circumstance (C), but you have 100% control over your thought (T). The goal is to find a new outlook that is both believable and serves you better.

Example: Instead of the old, disempowering thought, you could choose one of these new ones:

• “This promotion went to someone with more experience in Area X. This is a clear signal of what skill I need to build.”
• “This outcome is data. I can use this data to have a constructive conversation with my manager about my career path.”
• “I am fully in control of how I respond to this setback and how I prepare for the next opportunity.”

4. Create and live your new F-A-R chain

Once you have adopted a more empowering outlook, it’s time to proactively live out the new cycle it creates.

• New Thought (T): “This is an opportunity for me to get precise feedback on what skills I need to build for the next cycle.”
• New Feeling (F): Curious, motivated, and proactive.
• New Action (A): Schedule a positive, forward-looking meeting with your manager. Ask for specific feedback on the skills required for the next level. Create a new development plan based on that feedback. Congratulate your colleague genuinely.
• New Result (R): You gain clarity on your growth path, demonstrate resilience and a growth mindset to leadership, and actively position yourself as a strong candidate for future opportunities.

How to be your own life coach

Your Self-Coaching Toolkit: Core Techniques & Resources

A framework like CTFAR provides the structure for self-coaching, but mastering the practice requires a toolkit of specific techniques. These methods are designed to help you execute each step of the blueprint effectively, from uncovering your thoughts to ensuring you take action.

1. Structured journaling

The primary tool for deconstructing one’s thought patterns. The act of writing gets thoughts out of your head and onto paper, where you can examine them objectively.

How to practice: If possible, try not to engage in aimless writing. When you feel a strong negative emotion, take a piece of paper and create five distinct sections for Circumstance, Thought, Feeling, Action, and Result. Fill in the columns for your current unintentional cycle. This practice forces you to pinpoint the exact thought that is driving your feeling and subsequent actions.

2. Asking powerful questions

Powerful questions are the engine of self-coaching. They are open-ended inquiries designed to challenge your assumptions and open up new perspectives. A general rule of thumb is to avoid “why” questions, which are likely to lead to justification, and favor “what” and “how” questions instead.

Sample self-coaching questions:

• “What is the story I am telling myself about this situation?”
• “What evidence do I have that this thought is 100% true?”
• “What is another possible interpretation of this circumstance that might also be true?”
• “What would I advise a trusted friend to do if they were in this exact situation?”
• “What new thought could I choose right now that would serve my goals better?”

Read more: 175 Powerful Coaching Questions for Everyone

3. Mindfulness and observation

This is the skill of noticing your thoughts and feelings in real-time without judgment. Mindfulness creates the crucial pause between stimulus and response, allowing you to catch unintentional thought patterns before they trigger a negative action chain.

How to practice: You don’t need long meditation sessions. Start by setting a reminder on your phone for three times a day. When it goes off, take 60 seconds to pause, take a deep breath, and ask yourself: “What am I currently feeling, and what thought is causing that feeling?” Over time, the practice will slowly build the muscle of real-time self-awareness.

4. Commitment devices and time-blocking

Self-coaching is only effective if it leads to new action. A commitment device helps bridge the gap between your intention and execution.

How to practice: Once you have identified a new, intentional action you want to take, schedule it immediately. If your action step is to “ask for feedback from your manager,” open your calendar and send the meeting invitation right away. By time-blocking the action, you create immediate accountability and make it significantly more likely that you will follow through.

What is needed for self-coaching

When to Partner with a Coach: How ITD World Can Help

Self-coaching is a powerful discipline for establishing self-awareness, taking ownership, and driving personal growth. And yet, it does come with inherent limitations, which can be resolved by partnering with a professional coach.

• Objectivity: It is incredibly difficult to read the label from inside the bottle. We all have blind spots – deeply ingrained assumptions and limiting beliefs that we accept as facts. A coach provides an external perspective that illuminates these blind spots in a way self-reflection may not. They hear the inconsistencies in your narrative and challenge the assumptions that are holding you back.
• Accountability: While self-coaching relies on self-discipline, a coach provides a reliable structure of accountability. They help you stay committed to your goals, navigate setbacks, and do the hard work required for real, sustainable change.

At ITD World, we specialize in helping leaders and professionals master the skills of coaching – both for themselves and for their teams.

• For leaders seeking growth: Our one-on-one executive coaching services pair you with an expert coach to help you accelerate your growth. This partnership provides the confidentiality, objectivity, and accountability needed to tackle your biggest challenges and unlock your full potential.
• For aspiring coaches and leaders: For those who want to master these frameworks, our globally recognized, ICF-accredited certification programs – including the Certified Coaching & Mentoring Professional (CCMP) and the advanced Certified Chief Master Coach (CCMC) – equip you with the world-class skills to empower yourself and others.

Ready to take your development to the next level? Contact ITD World today to learn how our executive coaching services and certification programs can help you realize your goals!

Other resources you might be interested in:

• Life Coaching: Key to Finding Purpose & Fulfillment in Life
• 10 Characteristics of a Good Coach: Moving Beyond Techniques
• 10 Common Coaching Challenges: Navigating Difficult Scenarios
• 12 Leadership Coaching Topics to Drive Lasting Transformation