By Dr Peter Chee and Dr Jack Canﬁeld
Effective coaches touch a heart with care and sincerity so they can positively engage and inﬂuence others. To touch and embrace hearts, we must also come from our own heart; we must care. When we care, we feel an authentic desire for good will and happiness for another person, a genuine concern for their well-being, and a true feeling of sincerity, openness, and understanding.
The key to touching the hearts of people is sincerity. Without sincerity, kind acts ring hallow. If care is mechanical or insincere, people feel it and results in resistance. A sense of sincerity is one thing that somehow gets across to others in a very subtle way.
People seem to possess some instinct that allows them to sense sincerity. Coworkers, family, clients, and superiors can tell the difference between required courtesy and sincere care.” Care and sincerity should be unconditional. A coach sincerely cares even when the client does not deliver or measure up to expectations.
A coach sincerely cares even when the client does not deliver or measure up to expectations. During a coaching appointment, coaches must leave their agenda at the door and focus on the client’s agenda and growth. This isn’t a time for frustration the lack of action. It is in challenging coaching situations when the client most needs a coach who believes in him, who trusts in her, and who sincerely cares for her.
How else can you show this level of caring? Well, you can establish an open and trusting relationship at the onset, showing interest in the client. You can be a good listener. By asking great questions that are helpful to them; providing useful feedback and suggestions to nurture and enrich them; offering continuous support and encouragement toward accomplishing their goals; and acknowledging progress and showing genuine appreciation; you can help your clients discover and focus on their talents and strengths.
Too often, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
– John C. Maxwell
This is how Eunice increased her relational inﬂuence with the people she coached. She saw them as magniﬁcent—no biases, no prejudices, no partiality. She made her clients feel important by calling them by name, remembering important information and details they shared, and was genuinely concerned about their well-being.
She creates a trusting and encouraging environment, listens very openly and intently, and adds value by being there for her clients. She recognizes them for their progress, empathizes with them and encourages them when they have fallen short, and rejoices with them when they have achieved a milestone.
You can follow Eunice’s footsteps to touch a heart with care and sincerity by applying the Platinum Rule which is to treat the person the way they love to be treated. This Rule is step up above the Golden Rule where people are called to treat the person the way they want to be treated.
When you apply the Platinum Rule, you are treating the other person in a way which can make them feel loved. If others do not feel the love you have for them, the heart is not moved and they do not feel your care and sincerity for them even though you feel it deep within yourself. The key is to make them feel the love you have for them.
How then can you make other people feel the love you have for them? As coaches and leaders, you would want to take the time to understand people by knowing what they prefer and giving accordingly. One way you can treat others the way they want to be treated is by observation. See how they react to the external environment and act appropriately.
This was the issue between Eric and Ian, his direct report. Eric was a boss who enjoyed a good laugh and a slap on the back when progress was made. Ian, was the opposite, he preferred verbal encouragement. Eric eventually realized that Ian seems to withdraw when he asked for high-ﬁve but noticed that Ian responded positively to verbal praise. Once he realized that was the case, Eric toned down his physicality and increase his verbal compliments instead.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot even be touched. They must be felt with the heart
– Helen Keller
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