LISTEN RATHER THAN TELL

By Dr Peter Chee and Dr Jack Canfield

Can a coach short circuit the effectiveness of coaching? Sure. The process is damaged when the coach tells people what to do instead of listening and helping people to unleash their ideas and solutions to address the issues they face.

In coaching, the assumption is that clients themselves know best, even if they don’t know they know it. Let them do most of the thinking and find their own solutions—that’s the essence of good coaching. This unleashes their potential to maximize their own performance, inculcates self-leadership, and empowers them rather than directs them.

What is the difference between listening and hearing? Listening is an intellectual and emotional act. Hearing acknowledges sounds, whereas listening requires that we understand what was said. If we are really listening intently, we should feel a bit tired after our speaker has finished. After all, effective listening is an active rather than a passive activity.

Listening positively impacts the quality of work and the relationships you have. Listening effectively aids in reducing arguments, stress, and shows people that you care for them. People have a deep desire to be listened and to be understood.

Here are three mental hacks you can use to help you become a positive and effectively listener:

1. Imaging there is quiz at the end of the conversation, so you must pay attention to what is said.
2. Show understanding by paraphrasing what was conveyed in your own words so you do need to listen attentively.
3. Listen “between the lines” by getting confirmation of what they are feeling as opposed to what was said.

An effective coach requires the extraordinary ability to listen well. When you pay attention to people, they feel encouraged to better articulate their thoughts and emotions. By giving them the green light to give voice to their ideas, you are feeding their confidence for new insights to surface. This is natural because people who verbalize their thoughts to someone who listens, they are actually listening to themselves speak. Consequently, they think more clearly and confidently compared to doing it alone.

By listening to people and not telling them what to do, the message you send is that they are important, capable, and confident to take action for the desired outcomes. A solid coaching relationship is built on the premise of listen, rather than tell.